Broken Girls
by sqquidkid
Summary: Points of views will vary, there might be multiple points of views on one thing. Final Sequel of Helpless. What happens when the girls re-meet? Will there be a happy ending? Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the Characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Santana's pov.**

The unfamiliar warmth her body radiated by my side was different from what I was used to. Even though I've been waking up to this peculiar being for... what? Two months now, everything was still so new and different. I peeled my eyes open to another day without her, and I resented every single second that passed. There was a shuffling by my side made by the warm body next to me, I faced the side it was coming from, and it almost surprised me that this girl beside me had green eyes and brown hair. I was half expecting a blonde and blue eyed chick beside me, with a silly grin plastered on her face, silently singing me a happy birthday, but no it was Ellie beside me, everything _she_ wasn't. It was my birthday, you see it's hard now trying to remember such things that I could once remember with ease, though there is one date that I can still remember with ease. That was _her_ birthday, now, I'll leave you to decide whether that's Ellie I'm talking about or... well you know. My birthday was more of a challenge to remember, let's face it, who wants to be reminded every year that you're getting older by the minute without your lover by your side?

"Happy Birthday!" I fought down a shiver and a scowl that was triggered by her unfamiliar voice. I forced a smile through gritted teeth.

"Thanks babe." If she was who I wanted her to be, I would've attacked her with a million sweet lady kisses right then and there, but she wasn't. So I just sunk into the mattress underneath us and waited until she made the move. Pretty soon she was straddling my hip, it felt different, almost wrong. Ellie couldn't read me, like, let's call her B, I had sort of made up a rule in my head not to mention her full name, even just in my head, to stop it hurting any more than necessary. She leaned down and hesitated a little before she pressed her lips into my own. I knew she didn't want to be by my side as much as I didn't want her to be by my side. She thinks I don't know, but when you spend the most of your childhood with an observant girl, just like B, you learn a trick or two. As soon as she pulled away, she got back onto her side of the bed, and jumped off the bed. I watched her every move as she crouched down and peered under our bed, there she took out 2 presents. She handed me the smallest one first, a book, I would presume. As I was about to open it she said

"I know how much you love auto-biographies!" She giggled a little; I gave her a jokey "urg." And rolled my eyes at her.

I tore the wrapping paper around the book carefully. Once I had all the wrapping paper off the book, I took a long look at the front cover. It read "A Dancers Regrets." It made my heart do a hundred loops as it reminded me of her. The background was all dark, and in the middle, there was a dancer wearing a light shade of pink. You couldn't quite see her face, she was doing a pirouette, I stared at her slight silhouette trying to make out the features of her face, but I couldn't see anything more than shapes that didn't make any sense. So I let my eyes wander down the book, it said "Brittany S. Pierce." I felt my head go all woozy, I wondered if I was dreaming. This wasn't real, this is some sick joke someone had played on me. And then I heard her voice, it sounded like it was coming from a distance...

"Santana? Santana?" Ellie. I looked up and met her eyes. "Are you alright? Come on, open the other present, I promise you'll like it."

She threw the box at me and I caught it. I tore off the wrapping paper and peered inside the box, they were shoes. High heels, they were beautiful, but I didn't care about the shoes, not as much as I would have if Ellie hadn't got me the book. I never told her about B; it almost felt wrong to speak of her, to someone "unworthy." Or maybe it just hurt to speak of her, in the past tense, like she was gone. She wasn't gone, or so I kept telling myself.

"I love it." I finally managed some words to escape from my mouth.

"Glad to hear so," She smiled, and then it quickly disappeared. "San... I'm really, really sorry but my friend, Jade, wants to meet with me and she's quite far away, and she won't let me skip this meeting, I'm afraid I'll be gone for the whole day I'm really sorry..."

She didn't even offer for me to come with her, but it was fine, I needed some alone time anyway. I didn't want to force out plastered smiles, at least I'll be able to relax. I decided to play along though, just for the fun of it, and also, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying it was totally fine.

"What?" I rolled my eyes, hate on my face. She gave me puppy dog eyes, that didn't work on me, but I played along with it. "Fine!" Then I leaned in and hugged her, genuinely. Then I whispered a silent thank you to her, for the book, and for the fact she was giving me space. Something I had wanted ever since we got together.

She got up and went to the shower. As soon as she was out of sight and I could hear the silent tapping of the water hitting the floor, I looked down at the book placed on my lap. I wasn't sure what to do; a million questions were planted into my brain. _What was she doing making books? _It kind of broke my heart even more, if that was even possible, that she was doing so well without me. Sure, I was happy for her. But it still hurt me. I wanted to pick up the book and read until I was crying so much at the words she wrote, but I couldn't move. Instead I found myself getting up to go down the stairs to prepare breakfast for me and Ellie. I wasn't sure if I was happy/anything remotely close to happy, or if I was just astounded or shocked. I cooked some omelettes, B's favourite. I didn't even realise what I was cooking and the connections it had to B, until I was nearly finished. I placed the omelettes on the plates and told Ellie that breakfast was ready.

Ellie was beautiful no doubt about that. I couldn't believe how she could have been so beautiful and look exactly nothing like B... My definition of beauty had always been B, and when I met Ellie, it surprised me that I could find her utterly beautiful. I loved Ellie, I did. But I wasn't in love with her. I couldn't force myself to let go of B, the grasp we had, it was too strong and I couldn't break it, no matter how much I tried.

**Okay, go I want lots of thoughts and feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Brittany pov, same time as last chapter. **

"Brittany?" My head spun around trying to find where the familiar voice was coming from. My eyes, eventually, met brown eyes; her eyes sent a warm fuzzy feeling down my back. They were just the same as I had last seen them; they weren't a shade lighter or darker.

"Oh my god... Hi!" I threw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her small body. I couldn't help it, I hadn't seen her in ages and I had missed her. She returned the hug, I quickly pulled back. "So, what's new Quinn?" I flashed a megawatt smile.

"We should go get coffee, right now... or something? We're kind of in the middle of the pavement Britt." I shivered at the familiar nickname. I looked around us, and remembered where we were.

"Right. Uh, lead the way." I forgot about my feelings as all the familiarity of everything I saw and Quinn, rushed into my head. Everywhere I looked flooded my head with a million memories I had once forgotten and it felt good.

I didn't realise we were already at a cafe, until Quinn asked me what I had wanted.

"B? Coffee or?"

"Uh... I'm fine, I don't want anything." I gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Are you sure Britt? I'm paying." She smiled. I shook my head. "Alright then."

She took her order and I sat down at a vacant table with her. We kind of stared at each other for a while, inspecting each other wondering when to speak and what to say.

"Well, I see you still look good." She winked at me. I chuckled.

"Quinn! People will talk!" I said in between laughs. "You look good too, baby girl." The words were just rolling off my tongue; I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"So, where have you been? I missed you! So did-di," She hesitated, I knew what she was going to say. "Did _everyone_ else." Or at least what she meant.

"You still kept in touch?" I gasped a little. I didn't think Quinn was the sort of person that would keep in touch with high school friends. It didn't seem like her, though knowing her, Rachel had probably made her keep in touch. No surprises there.

"Oi, what's wrong with that?" Her eyebrows ceased.

"Nothing, I just... Whatever. Oh, you know, I moved to New York, got offered a job as a dance teacher, then I turned professional," I winked. "Then I opened a dance studio in New York."

"So... What are you doing here in Lima?" I saw a glint of hope in her eyes, hope for someone else. Hope for Santana. I hadn't forgotten what I wrote on the letter I wrote to Santana, and I knew I promised we would see each other again. I wasn't going to break that promise. Probably not. I knew time was running out, so I had to fulfil the promise quick.

"Oh right, I uh," I didn't know why I was here. What was I doing here? "Fancied a change... I moved here with my studio. But anyway, enough about me and my boring life, how about you?"

"You know, married a millionaire and all that good stuff." She laughed at her own silly remark. "No, I'm kidding I actuall-"

"I see you still have a rubbish sense of humour!" I decided to interrupt her. She playfully hit my shoulder. "And your feisty attitude!" I rubbed my shoulder pretending to be hurt.

"I model." She said matter-of-factly.

"Oooh! Get you girl! And is there a Mr. Fabray, or should I say Mrs. Fabray-Berry, no, Mrs. Berry-Fabray? I don't know?" I winked and laughed at my own joke. She rolled her eyes.

"Unfortunately not girl. Working on it, working on it. How-" She stopped, wondering if she should ask me. "About you?" She nervously looked down at the cup of coffee on the table. She took it in between her hands and sipped at the content, almost nervously.

"No... I, uh, I never really..." Got over her. "I'm too busy." I sighed. She managed to meet my eyes again, she looked kind of relieved. "So, let's get the big elephant out of the room... Is Santana okay?" Her name left a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. It felt weird to say her name out in public. It felt, odd. She looked at me, no expression on her face. It made my heart skip.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" She continued to stare me down, searching my eyes for a million answers to her million questions. "You can come with me, I was on my way there anyway, because-"

"It's her birthday." I wasn't going to let her think I forgot. How could I forget? "Did you think I forgot?"

"No. Are you going to come with me or what?" I wanted to grab her hand and run out the place with her. I wanted to say yes, and I wanted to go right then and there but I didn't know how I was going to handle the situation. I didn't know how it would work out, and I didn't want to hurt her even more. That's too many things I didn't know.

"I can't Q." I looked down at the table, guilt plastered across my face.

"Why not Brittany? Eh? Why not?" Her voice was fierce. I looked up to meet her eyes, and her gaze softened. "Give me your phone Brittany."

I reached into my pocket and took out my phone, I handed it to Quinn. I didn't know what she was doing but I felt obliged to do what she said. She started tapping at the keys.

"I saved my number. I want you to call me as soon as, I have to get going." She handed me the phone and she got up.

"Wait Quinn..." I reached into my bag and pulled out a present. I didn't know why I bought it, but it seemed right. It was a bracelet. "Say it's from one of your friends or something. Don't say it's from me please." I handed her the box.

Just as she was about to walk away, she suddenly turned back, and she hugged me. It was warm and much needed. I wanted to tell Quinn to take me to Santana's house right then and there, but I didn't have the balls to do so.

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn's pov.<strong>

I knocked on the door, knees slightly buckling. I was nervous. I didn't know why, but I was. I heard shuffling so I put on a smile. She opened the door, she looked a little upset, or maybe confused?

"Happy Birthday you dirty lesbian!" I attacked her with a big hug. She pulled back, her eyebrows were furrowed.

"What's that smell? You smell..." Familiar. Shit! She could smell Brittany a mile off. "...weird."

"Yeah, uh new perfume..." I chuckled nervously. "So... where's your girlfriend San?"

"Oh, she's gone to meet with, uh... what's her face. Jane or something."

"When's she back?" I walked further into the house.

"Probably not until tomorrow."

"What? San, it's your birthday?" I furrowed my brows and studied Santana's face.

"So it is." She rolled her eyes at me.

"Do you want me to shove knowledge up her arse?" She laughed.

"No, you're okay Q. Calm it bro! Where's my present then you whore?" She winked.

I reached into my bag with sweaty clammy hands. I pulled out Brittany's present and I pulled out my own. I handed her mine first. I hadn't bothered wrapping it up in wrapping paper. I figured it would be a waste of tree.

"And, before you start, no I didn't forget to buy you a present, I just didn't want to waste tree!"

"Please! You are just a fatass! No I'm kidding, thank you babe!" She smiled. I handed her the wrapped present from Brittany. Typical of Brittany to wrap it with duck covered wrapping paper. That's really not going to make Santana suspicious, not at all. She opened it and I realised it was a bracelet. A really expensive looking one as well. _Damn that girl, making my present look bad!_

"Who's it from Q?"

"Uh, from a friend, I was just telling him that, I was uh about to come over here because it was your birthday, and his girlfriend just broke up with him and, he, uh had that to give to her but you know... So he said give it to you..." I babbled a little, I thought Santana would be able to detect the lie.

"Oh, really... I must meet this friend of yours! In fact, call him now! He can brighten our day up a bit." She looked unsure, she was hiding something from me, I knew that much.

"But San, you have a girlfriend!" I knew Santana wasn't in love with this girl, but I didn't expect her to be cheating on her. Sure, that might have been the doings of the old Santana, but she had grown up, a lot, ever since high school.

"So? I never said I would fuck this guy."

"Well, I can't anyway; he just went to the airport... to go live in Germany I think... Enough chatter Santana, I'm starving, let's go get dinner, my treat!" I exhaled a breath of relief, glad I had managed to lie myself out of a big hole.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany's pov.<strong>

I had been sat at my half empty flat for ages now, wondering when I should call. I wanted to find the right moment, I didn't want to call in the middle of Santana's and Quinn's night out or something. But all the anticipation was killing me. I wanted to hear about Santana, I wanted to hear about their day, and I needed to feel something more than guilt and anger. Without thinking about it I dialled Quinn's number and in no time it started ringing. My heartbeat started rising and it got me uncomfortable. I started pacing the flat.

"Hello?"

"Hey..." She waited for me to say something, but I didn't because I was waiting for her to say something. We held our phones over our ears in silence, waiting.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"It's Brittany." Just as I finished I heard someone say 'Is everything alright?' in the background. It was Santana. It made my knees buckle underneath me. I was sure it was her. I instantly felt bad for interrupting her day.

"_Yeah fine, just give me a moment; it's that guy that gave you the bracelet_. Oh hey. I can't talk right now; I'll call you back later okay? I'm with Santana."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Tell her I said Happy Birthday." _'He said Happy Birthday San' _I heard a shuffling and then I realised Santana had probably grabbed the phone off Quinn.

"Hello? It's Santana, thanks for the present!" I wanted to speak to her, but her voice astounded me. I was too shocked. So I didn't say anything. I waited until Quinn snapped me back into reality. And when she eventually did, it felt like it had been months.

"I've got to go, I'll call you back." She hung up on me.

I ran into my half empty bedroom clutching my heart. It felt like it was about to fall out of my chest and onto the floor. I dived onto my bed, tears cornering my eyes. I didn't want to cry, because there was nothing to cry about. My tears weren't sad tears, neither were they happy tears. They were just plain old tears that kept falling out of my eyes. I stayed there on my face on the bed for what seemed like ages, waiting for Quinn to call me back.

I heard my phone buzz. I quickly sat up and searched for the phone.

"Hello?" My voice was half gone.

"Are you alright Brittany?" there were sheds of concern in her voice. I could tell.

"I'm fine. How was your day with her? Did she like the present?" I had a million questions for her, but I decided not to ask them all because I knew she had a million questions she wanted to ask me but she didn't.

"Yeah, it was all good Britt!" I could hear her smile. "We need to meet up soon again B. I can't talk for much longer, I am knackered. I'll text you the details tomorrow."

I was slightly disappointed. I wanted to know everything about Santana right then and there. "Okay."

"Alright B, I should get going, I still love you chicka."

"I still love you too." I shook a little. No-one had said they loved me in a long time and meant it. Everything was so familiar and close to perfect and it hurt "Oh, by the way Quinn. I've bought a house. I'm staying in Lima forever now. It's close to Aunt Jenna's house." I heard her gasp.

"What? You can't!" I was confused.

"Why not?" I asked.

"You just, you can't... avoid her forever." I knew there was something more she wasn't telling me. Just as I was about to rat out her lie she beat me to speaking first. "You need to see her. You can't hide anymore." I wanted to argue with her, but I felt all my energy drain out of me.

"You should get to sleep." And with that I hung up.

**Thank you for the reviews guys. What do you want to happen next chapter? I have a plan but, I might change it for you guys?**


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up with a stiff back. In my hands I held a book. I had wanted to start reading it last night, but I was too afraid of what I might have found in it, so I felt content enough with just holding it to my chest, until I fell asleep.

I stared at the ceiling above me, picking out the little dents it had. I looked at the cracks appearing and I wondered, I wondered how long this house would last. This house was new, modern: it couldn't have been more than 2 years old. I looked at the walls around me; they looked like they were moving in on me. I felt like I was suffocating as I tried to breathe in the thick humid air that quickly formed around me. I felt sick, physically. I kept gagging at the smell, my smell of fear, and I wanted to throw up. I wanted to release the gut clenching feeling in my stomach, but I couldn't move. My hands were frozen stiff, and I couldn't force myself to breathe anymore, in fear of everything. I fought against all my senses and brought myself up on the bed. I sat down on the now rock solid bed underneath me, and opened the first page of the book. It only made everything worse, the slow walls that were threatening to crush me were now moving with great speed, and I really needed to throw up. I grabbed the bin just under the bed, and brought it to my lap. I ducked my head in the empty container and gagged. I forced myself to gag, and I forced everything and anything to exit my body, but nothing came out. I dropped the bin on the side of the bed, and I closed my eyes. I heard it clatter as it hit the ground. I led back on the bed and pulled the pillow from my side onto my face. I pushed it down on my face so hard, until I could no longer breathe. It made me feel comfortable. When all the whizzing noises I could hear, stopped, I pushed the pillow aside and opened my eyes. The walls weren't moving, my stomach was no longer churning and everything was normal. Or as close to normal as it could have been. I got up. I really needed to get on with reading the bloody book. It was only a book. I'm Santana Lopez and I can take anything.

I decided I would read the book, right after a cold shower to really wake me up.

I closed my eyes and savoured the cold water trickling down my naked body. I could hear each drop as they crashed onto the floor around me. The echoing sound the shower made wasn't relaxing me. It made my blood boil. The noises I could hear were making my head ache, like a fucking lot, and it was driving me crazy. I was really pissed off. I dropped onto the floor, and grabbed my head. _Why did it happen to me? _I didn't know what I meant. No that was a lie; I knew exactly what I meant. Why did she have to leave me so broken and turn back up in a form of a bloody book? Why couldn't she come back and fucking face me herself? _What the fuck am I even doing? Why do I fear a stupid bloody book? _I got up on my feet and turned the shower off. My blood was boiling with rage. I wasn't angry at anyone but myself.

* * *

><p>I sat down on my bed and grabbed the book, I read the words like they were the bible, and I held back the tears as she retold her life story. I held back tears as I realized I was a big part of her life. I held them back until I could no longer keep them back. I didn't want to cry. I could imagine her retelling the story to herself, and I could imagine the way she would try and hide the tears forming around her eyes. I could almost hear her voice whispering the words written down on the book. I could almost feel her presence in the room. She felt so close... too close. I wanted to put the book down, but I couldn't. I was hooked on each and every single word she wrote. I heard the door open, and I knew exactly who it was. It was Ellie. The book was nearly finished and I needed to get some more peace and quiet. I needed to be alone, or to be ignored, and with Ellie in the house that was unlikely. So, I put my coat on and tucked the book under the coat. I dashed out the door, and before she could ask me any questions, I said "I'm going for a walk."<p>

My feet dragged me to a coffee shop. I was itching to just take the book out and read it while my feet dragged me to the unknown, but no, I fought my urges. I got in queue and waited patiently until I could order a coffee. In all honesty, I hated coffee; I just needed something to busy myself with. I don't know why I ended up here. I should have gone to the library or something. This place smelled, faintly of something familiar. It was nice, refreshing. I knew the smell, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I sat down at an empty table and awkwardly took the book out from under my coat. I placed it on the table and stared at it a little. I felt really self conscious. It felt like everyone's eyes were on me, judging me, wondering what the fuck was going on, even though I didn't look suspicious at all. I knew no-one's eyes were trained on me, but it just felt odd being so out in the open. It felt like I was carrying my heart on my sleeve.

I opened the book back onto the page and before I knew it I was on the last page. I had been here for about 10 minutes. I realized the way my name was always in Italic, like it was a swear word, like it was a harsh word. I finished the page. My heart skipped a beat.

My hand moved to its own accord. It lightly grazed the bit of the page that said '_And Santana... I truly am sorry._' I could feel her words sink into my heart. I could feel them braze themselves on my skin; I could feel them stick onto my skin. I felt them engrave themselves in my brain. I didn't want the book to end. I needed her there, I wanted to see her. I wanted to know she was okay. I wanted to know she was healed. But I didn't have the faintest idea how to get in touch with her. I wanted to hold her hands once more, and feel like the world was irrelevant. I just wanted to see her. I wanted to apologise... for not being enough.

My heart beat rose, something was up. I could feel it. My hands started to shake, I was confused. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't want to cause a scene. I took the cup of, now cold, coffee in my hand and sipped. I let the bitter cold taste run down my throat and into my stomach. I let the bitter liquid scrape my throat.

"_Can I have a Latte please?"_

My head spun around trying to find where the tense voice was coming from. My eyes felt like they were about to explode. I knew who she was. I just needed confirmation. Then I saw her, her figure, her blonde hair. She was there. She was really there. My legs stood me up; I grabbed the book on the table. She was walking out of the shop, every single muscle tensed. I followed her out. I knew she could feel my intense stare at her back. But I didn't know why she wasn't turning around. I wanted to open my mouth, tell her to stop walking, but I couldn't. I was too busy concentrating on walking. I didn't know whether I should be following her, I felt like a creepy stalker. I didn't know what to do and I was panicking.

"Brittany..." She stopped, and I stopped. My knees were buckling as she stood before me. Her eyes were still as empty and sad as I had last seen them. She wasn't healed. I saw the way her eyes glistened in the sun and instantly I knew her eyes were filled with tears. She was stunning regardless. Her eyes couldn't seem to find my face. I could tell she was beating herself up inside, she was frightened. I wanted to reach out my arms to her to see if she was real. I wanted to make sure I wasn't dreaming because it was too glorious to be a dream.

I wanted to make her feel better, I wanted to tell her it was okay, so I opened my mouth but the only thing that came out was an unsteady "Hey..."

All the rules I had made about Brittany was broken. Every wall I built was breaking and it felt wonderful. As her beautiful body stood in front of me, I felt my soul being released once more. It was wrong, because I had Ellie. My head was throbbing with thoughts, and my body was raging with excitement and fear. I was filled with a hundred questions, but all I wanted to do was to hold her in my arms, once more, and never let her go. I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, even though deep down, I knew it wasn't.

**Sorry it took forever for this to be posted up, I was just waiting for more reviews. This chapter hasn't been beta'd(?) because my beta just left to go on holiday. So, uh currently looking for a beta, if anyone is interested, just pm me or review idk. I'm going on holiday on Monday, so I'll try and get chapter 4 up by Sunday.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Brittany's pov.**

_Hey Britt, I'm sorry about last night. Meet me for dinner tonight, where do you live? I'll come pick you up, make sure you're ready. I'll just come by whenever. Q x_

I quickly typed up a reply for Quinn telling her where I lived and that it was all good. I got up from the sofa, and headed to my bedroom, being careful not to tread on any boxes lying on the floor. I rooted around looking for something to wear. I grabbed my towel and walked into the bathroom. I twiddled with the knobs of the shower and got inside. I savoured the warm water as they slid off my body. I closed my eyes and listened to the gentle tapping of the water around me. I almost felt like crying, I had missed 7 of Santana's birthdays and I didn't want to miss anymore. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay, I wanted her forgiveness and I didn't know how I was going to go about finding it.

I really had no plans on today aside from dinner tonight with Quinn so I kind of hovered around the house running over the possibilities of what I could do in my spare time. I wanted to keep my hands busy; I wanted to stop my mind touching on Santana because the more I thought about her, the more my need of seeing her grew. I ended up with just taking a walk to calm my nerves and to sort out my priorities and intentions. I needed to sort my life out, and I thought a walk might help me answer some questions that were sure to come out of Quinn's mouth tonight.

I found myself in town, and as I spotted the coffee shop I and Quinn had met in the previous day, I felt an urge to come inside. I felt like I was being drawn inside by some force and I couldn't not walk inside to inspect the situation.

So I did just that.

The sharp smell of bitter coffee and people hit me. I could distinguish the different smells and within those scents, I picked out one very familiar scent. I knew instantly what or rather who it smelled like, but I was frightened to find her there. I was frightened to see her when I had yet no intentions of meeting up with her because I was a coward, but I couldn't just walk in the shop and walk straight out without drawing attention to myself. And I already knew Santana could feel my presence in the room, and if I gave her one last push she'd know I was definitely in the room. So I decided to stick it out and order coffee. I didn't even like coffee; I didn't like the bitter sweet taste it left in my mouth after I had drunk it. I walked slowly up to the counter, knees slightly buckling before me. I was trying to look like a normal human being doing nothing suspicious in a coffee shop, but every single one of my muscles were tensed and I couldn't un-tense them, which was not helping me one tiny bit. I avoided looking around afraid of what I might have found inside. I noticed that the person was still waiting on my order while I was busy trying to calm my nerves. So I opened my mouth and let anything come out.

"Can I have a Latte please?" Crap, I just gave her the last push. I knew that she now knew I was in the shop, or at least she was about to find out.

It felt like every nerve, every muscle and every bone in my body was burning. I could feel 100 eyes trained on my back, as I walked out of the coffee shop gripping the cup of latte between my hands, though I knew it was only Santana's eyes on my back it felt like it was everyone's. I wanted to turn back and wrap her in a bone crushing hug but I wasn't sure where the line was, and I didn't want to cross it. So I decided to stick it out. I felt stupid just walking away with her trailing at my back, I didn't know what to do, so I just let the tears corner my eyes. I clutched my hands at my sides hoping that I wasn't showing too much weakness because I knew Santana and she could smell fear 100 miles away, and with me, I'm sure she could smell my fears a million miles away. We had grown so accustomed to each other that we could tell a lot just by feeling the air around us. I felt like I was an animal running away from my hunter, but I still had the biggest urge to turn back and just inspect this other hunter behind me, even if I knew that If I stopped, my hunter would be of success and gain ownership to me. That didn't sound too bad, when your hunter was as beautiful as Santana. So you could imagine the two sides of my body arguing each other for direction, I listened to neither one of them and let my feet walk on by carefully. It felt like it had been years we were walking now and I was desperate for someone to tell me what to do.

As If on cue she said "Brittany…" her voice was sweet, and frightened. I stopped in my tracks and turned slowly around with tears forming again on the corners of my eyes. I couldn't meet her eyes so I dragged my eyes up and down her small body. I wanted to smile, I wanted to hold her but I couldn't because I still wasn't brave enough. She opened her mouth and I could tell that she could tell I was frightened. She offered me a steady "Hey…" to calm my nerves. I wanted to be polite, I wanted to prove her wrong and show her I wasn't scared, even If I was. And then It hit me, she could see the dampness around my eyes, and she could see my lonely iris staring at her. I felt my body sink into the ground as I realised that she could tell I wasn't healed. I didn't want her to know because I didn't want her to feel bad for not chasing after me, though knowing her she probably tried. I was such a coward for running away and I felt so guilty. That was probably why I couldn't stare down at her brown Irises and into her soul because I was too guilty. I was glad she was here nonetheless.

My body was solely running on adrenaline as I stood here fronted with Santana, I had dreamt about this situation time and time again. I had dreamt about the different ways this could end and I was frightened that this was going to end badly. I had wanted this opportunity a hundred times before but now, as my wish had been granted, I started to doubt my wishes because I knew how much I hurt Santana and by turning up here like this, unannounced, I was sure I was sending a hundred daggers her way.

**I'm sorry this took forever, please give me some feedback, I'm running on my own thoughts and it sucks :(**


	5. Chapter 5

**(Please let's forget that I said Brittany has been living in Lima for over a year now, thanks. I know, I know, I suck at continuity and remembering factors of my story, I even forgot that Ellie had blue highlights, but so did you right? Sorry!)**

**Santana's point of view.**

"I-I-" I tried to think of something to say, I had so much in my mind, but neither one of my many queries wanted to come out and play. I left it at that to see if she would make any effort to break the silence between us.

"Follow me." Her shaky voice rung in my ears.

"Why?" I would've gone anywhere with her, but I felt the need to ask anyway.

"Just, just please?" Her eyebrows furrowed in. I gave her a stiff nod. I followed her to, what seemed to me like, a dance studio. I didn't understand, but I guess she just wanted some privacy between us. I thought we would talk in the empty car park, but I was surprised to see that she had a set of keys for the place. It made me a little happy that maybe she was staying for good this time. Maybe not for me, but for her life. I followed her inside, as she led me inside one of the dance rooms.

The room was big, empty and quite dark. Brittany had not bothered with turning the lights on, and neither had I. The dark might come in handy. We were surrounded with each others scents and reflection around the room, being a dance room; of course the room would be surrounded by mirrors. It was quite an eerie atmosphere, correct almost. Except, I did not want an eerie confrontation, I wanted a nice chat, a catch up. I wasn't angry that she left. Why should I be? But, us, here in a room together after 6 years, it was too much, too wrong.

We ended up facing each other in the middle of the room looking at each other. She made me feel naked under her gaze, I could tell she was picking out the differences in my appearance and comparing me to the last time she saw me. It was good to see her blue eyes piercing into my skin, it was nice to feel her presence in the room, it was comfortable, familiar. Her eyes were still as lonely as the last time I saw them, maybe even more. It disappointed me that she wasn't better, she was still broken. I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of her eyes. I wanted to inspect her, just like she was doing with me. I wanted to break the comfortable silence that fell just so I could hear her voice; I wanted to know this was real.

"So… Am I dreaming?" we spoke in unison. It sent a familiar jolt through my spine that I hadn't felt in ages. "You look great." we spoke in unison again; I was starting to believe that this was a dream. I opened my mouth once more to say something but so did she, so I stopped and she stopped. I let the corners of my mouth tug upwards to form a smile; she let out a little giggle that could have sent me on my knees. I had missed her so much, I wanted to grab her into a bone crushing hug and never let her go.

We were like hunters, screaming in the dark. It felt almost right to circle each other, as if we were hunting for one another, which we technically were. We were hunting for each other's love, but most importantly she was hunting for my forgiveness. Which was stupid because, she knew and I knew that I would give her anything, she did not have to hunt for anything. I could feel my soul softening the longer we stood like this, bare and fragile. She couldn't look at me full on, so she dragged her eyes all over my body. I think she was a bit guilty. Her stare was burning six million holes around my body. Her blue eyes were so cloudy and misted by her tears, that I couldn't stand it. I took a step forward so she was in breathing distance and I placed my hand just under her eyes urging the tears to fall. I caught every single tear that fell. As she stopped crying, she finally looked up to meet my eyes, for the first time in 6 years. We were so close to each other and it was horrible that I could not just lean in and peppermint her with my kisses. As we both realised our awkward position we both took a step back, instantly regretting it. "Hey…" My voice was tense and shaky and it didn't make me feel better that she was just as petrified as I was.

"Hey birthday girl… well, yesterday-birthday-girl" She said, I could tell she was trying really hard to make this a happy reunion. I couldn't believe she remembered my birthday. My frown turned upside down into a little grin. "I hear you were 24 yesterday." She gave me a smile, she even knew my age! I decided to sweet talk back.

"Well I guess you heard right. Do I or do I get a big bone crushing hug? Seen as I'm 24 and all that?" My little grin turned into a wide grin. I held my arms out for her to fall into, just like old times. She took me by my shoulder and pulled me into her. I wrapped my arms around her body; we were like jigsaw puzzles that fit perfectly into each other. I squeezed her tight just as she squeezed me back. We were holding onto each other so tightly, that I was nearly choking! "I'm getting so old." I said randomly. I inhaled and I felt her sweet scent enter my bloodstream, exciting every sense that I had. She made me feel so alive. "Hey missy, that's enough!" I was nearly suffocating! "People might talk..." I managed to choke out.

"But we're alone San!" She laughed. The familiar nickname made me giddy and excited.

"...plus," I gasped. "I, I can't breathe." She let me go straight away. I missed her contact instantly. I looked up to see her expression, she mouthed me an 'oops.' I wore a sheepish grin on my face.

"And, yeah you are getting old."

"Hey!" I but said playfully. Her smile disappeared, and so did mine. Reality was going to struck soon.

"Did you like my present?" She said eyeing at my bracelet. _Oh. Oh. _So that's why Quinn had been acting so strange. "...and," Her eyebrows furrowed once again. "and... my book..." She blushed.

"This was from you?" I asked gesturing to the bracelet around my wrist. She gave me a stiff nod. "How long have you been here? Why haven't you even tried to get into contact with me? And, and why were you close to running away from me earlier?" I was slightly fuming right now, I didn't know why. I loved her still, of course I did, but it kind of hurt that she didn't really want to see me.

"Just 2 weeks, and, and I did want to see you." She tucked her chin into her clothes, desperate to hide from my prying eyes. "I was, I was just scared. I was scared because I hurt you so much, and I know that I don't deserve you. I wanted to punish myself, I thought by now, you'd hate me, because I just left you, like the asshole I am. I'm sorry."

I calmed down, after hearing that. I didn't ask her why she left, because she had already tried to explain it to me before, in the form of the letter, which I carried around with me everywhere. I wanted to make her realize that I wasn't angry with her, so I opted for reciting aloud the letter she wrote to me. I knew it off by heart, of course I did, it was my only form of comfort.

"_My dearest Santana," _I started, off shakily.

"_Please don't be mad, I know I am making a mistake and I know you can probably guess every single word on this letter, I'm sorry. I couldn't take it, everything I did, everything I inhaled and everything I saw triggered a train of thoughts and feelings that I could no longer forget. It was too hard, and you know me, I run away. It's the only thing I know how to do, I know I haven't got the right to ask you to forgive me, but I'm sorry. It was hard to see you so broken and upset, it was hard to hear your voice quaver, and it was hard to know that you are so bloody miserable because of me. I know that you're going to hold on to me for as long as you live, but I'll tell you now you deserve so much more. I'm a tragedy, I'm a fuck up and you sure as hell deserve so much more. I love you Santana, don't ever forget that, and don't ever doubt it." _I could feel her eyes on me, and I knew that she knew this letter backwards and forwards just like I did.

"_You know, I remember everything that has ever happened between us. I remember the first time we met, and the first time you kissed me. I remember when you made up that stupid lie that you tripped and your tongue accidentally slipped into my mouth. You are precious Santana, and I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you, but I feel like I am forcing you to be with me, like you don't have a choice, please Santana you have to do what you want, you don't have to keep pleasing everyone around you." _I gave her a sheepish smile_. "You need to be yourself because when you are, that's when you're at your best. You have to stop being so secretive, you have to open up your heart to other people than just me, because I'm an idiot Santana, I always end up hurting the ones I love most, and I don't know how to prevent it other than to run. You will be okay S." _I smiled at her, for a brief moment then I started reciting again.

"_I know this is a mistake, and I know this will take me 100 steps back from happiness, but I can't fight a prophecy." _I felt my throat close up, making speaking harder than it ought to be._ "I want to run away with you, but I can't ask you to do that, you have your whole life ahead of you. I am so sorry, and I love you, I love you like it was written in the stars, and I'll never stop loving you. I'm so sorry Santana, please don't be mad. I wish we could have gone public earlier, but I wouldn't change a thing between the two of us. I am not going to forget you, but I hurt you and I should be sent to the deepest depth of hell_." I shook my head at the wrongness of it all. I didn't blame her for leaving me.

"_I left my phone here so you can't talk me out of it, because I know and you know that even just the sound of your voice will send me back into your arms, and I can't have you throw your life away just for me." _I smiled at how smart she was._ "I will text you when I get to my aunties, don't go there because I won't stay there. Once again Santana, no words can explain how sorry I truly am, and no words can explain just how much I love you. Oh and by the way I took a picture of you and me from your shelf, please don't be mad." _I laughed a little.

"_You and me against the world, Santana. 2 helpless girls, in love and broken."_

"_I'm sorry. I love you, don't forget me._ _Brittany." _She joined me as I said this bit_. _I took a deep breath_. _"How could anyone forget you?" How could anyone forget her? She was (is) so beautiful and perfect.

"I'm so sorry Santana," She started to cry. I took a step forward again and caught her falling tears.

"Hey, hey," I said, as I felt my tears round my eyes. "You'll set me off, don't cry baby." It was so natural for me to talk to her like she had not left at all. We were so natural and perfect in the moment. I took her body into my arms as she stopped crying. We pulled back at the same time and looked at each other; our faces were merely an inch away from each other. I was going to lean in and press my lips into hers, but I closed my eyes and remembered Ellie. When she saw that I had not made the move, she decided to, but I spoke just before she could press her lips into my trembling lips. "I have a girlfriend." I squeezed my eyes shut.

I felt her snake herself away from me. When I opened my eyes, she was not disgusted or angry; she wore a smile on her face. A faked smile, I could tell she was hurt. I could tell that I had just stabbed her heart a million times. I could see her tears appear in her eyes once more.

"Why aren't you angry at me? Why aren't you disgusted, why do you have to be so strong?" I raised my voice at her a little. I wanted her to be angry at me, because it would be better that way. At least she would not have been hiding her feelings away from me.

"Why should I be angry, Santana?" She said calmly. "I was the one who walked away from you, I was the one that threw everything we had in the bin, and it's my fault. Why should I blame you for something that was my fault Santana? Why aren't you the one angry at me for leaving you? Why?" She was so calm that it made my blood boil, I wanted so much to kiss her, but I couldn't. I took my hands onto my face and barricaded the falling tears. I took a few deep breaths.

"Anger doesn't solve anything Brittany, I'm so sorry. This doesn't have to be an ugly confrontation. I just missed you so much."

"I missed you too." She said. "Anyway, what have you done without me girl?" She smiled, I smiled back, she was lightening the mood. Damn that girl, she knew exactly how to change subjects so quickly. I decided to fill her in on everything... well everything necessary.

"Well after, I got home from the supermarket, I came back into the house, but before I stepedp foot inside, I knew something was off. I found your note and your phone, and I read it. I started crying hysterically, and then I realised that crying wasn't going to get me anywhere, so I decided to go to your aunt's house, to try and stop you from going. I knew that you would turn to Jenna so; I drove there as fast as I could. When I got there I was too late, and Jenna told me to come inside, I went mad for a little while but when I calmed down Jenna told me things, things that I knew were true about me and you. She told me I could stay at her house for as long as I wanted because she knew that because you were gone my parents would be all loca and all that, I wanted to say yes, I did 1) because she reminded me of you. 2) Because if you ever needed help, I knew you'd call her. So I went home to ask if it was cool with my parents but I knew that my parents would never let me stay there, and then stuff happened when I got home – I can't remember it's all blurry now – but I do remember that they chucked me out of the house, s-"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Santana." She said.

"Let me finish talking, and it isn't your fault, B." I smiled. "So, anyway, I packed all my things, and I went to live with Jenna. Then Sally turned up one morning, and just barged into our lives, turned out that she had an affair on poor Jenna, with some guy and it ended with a baby. She came into the house demanding for Jenna to come running away with her, Jenna said no at first, but she let her stay at the house. A few weeks later though, the little snake had her packing. And then she was gone, I tried to stop her, I tried to tell her that it was a mistake, but she used that, what-if-it-had-been-Brittany and all that, so then I was forced to let her go, and I was alone again. But a year later, on your birthday, I decided to take a walk in the park, it was empty apart from Ellie, and then well yeah, that's how we started I guess," This was getting too awkward, I was thankful she wasn't interrupting me. "I would ask what you had done, but I read all about it. I got it for my birthday, just in case you were wondering." I indicated to the book in my hands.

"I'm really sorry Santana, I'm sorry I put you through so much, I can understand if you want me to pack my things right now, I'm so sorry." She shook her head.

"No, Brittany. No, please don't leave me again." It was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry, if you don't want me to leave, I won't. I promise I'll never leave you again, not if I can help it. I'm so sorry."

"Brittany, stop apologising." I smiled. "Wait... how did you meet Quinn? Like how did Quinn get hold of this?" I said pointing at the bracelet around my wrists.

"On your birthday, I was taking a walk, as you do, and then she just sort of spotted me. She told me that she was on her way to your house, so I thought why not? I gave her the bracelet, and told her to say it was from some random guy."

"Oh."

"I kind of have plans with Quinn tonight actually... Do you want to, uh, come? We're just having dinner..."

"Are you sure I won't be interrupting you two?" I wanted to come, of course.

"No, no way." She assured me.

"Alright then." I smiled.

**Wow, I'm an ass aren't I? I took ages to update this and I'm sorry! But this is a lengthy chapter to make it up to you! School starts in a few days, so I might even be slower at updating, so apologies guys. I feel this chapter is a bit too explanatory and a little sucky so, sorry. Would still love some feedback though. I still need a BETA, so if there are any offers feel free to well, offer haha, I have not spoken to my current (?) BETA in ages. I just literally started and finished this chapter, so there might be numerous mistakes.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Brittany's point of view.**

Her muted wheels came wheeling down the road as I and Santana sat at one of the benches outside my flat. I did not want Santana to come into my flat to find a lot of things packed, she might've panicked. Neither did I want to explain to her that I would be staying in Lima. I don't know why. She asked me why we weren't going inside, but she let it go after I told her that my flat was supposedly messy. She knew there was something more to it but, she decided to let it go because she was frightened to find something in there. So we sat, lingering in the benches, enjoying each other's companies. We talked about nothing and everything; it was a comfortable conversation, except it was forced. I was more than happy to sit there and look at her, but I thought she wasn't. So, for her sake, I made small talk.

As the small car stopped and parked on the side of the pavement, I and Santana decided to make our move. We stood up, and we walked towards her car like we were synchronised swimmers, except not swimming, but walking. As Quinn spotted our faces, her own face turned to a ghostly shade of white, as if she had just been found out. I opened the door and I entered her car, I had thought that Santana would take the front seat, but she waited for me to budge to the other side, and she sat beside me. It made me a little glad. The first five minutes of the car ride was awkward, silent and awkward.

"Can I, can I just... what happened?" Quinn's voice brought me back to consciousness. I looked at Santana to see if she was going to say something, but she looked at me just like I looked at her, clueless. I opened my mouth to say something, but I just ended up breathing through my mouth. "Uh, hello? Quinn Fabray here, addressing the big elephant in the room?" Quinn sounded a little mad.

"What? I-We don't know what to say?" Santana also sounded a little mad.

"Well let's start with how you two met?" I could hear Quinn roll her eyes.

"No. Let's start with how you _lied _to me." She exaggerated on the word 'lied.' I decided to take the conversation from Santana at this point because I did not want her to go all Lima Heights.

"We just happened to be in the same shop at the right time Q. We had a talk, and all that." I decided to tell her what was necessary, I left out a few points but it didn't matter.

* * *

><p>Dinner was slow and cracks were appearing. I kept quiet for the most part, I was guilty. I was always guilty. I was guilty that I had made her come out for me, when all I ended up doing was leaving her and hurting her. My chest felt so heavy with emptiness. It was so vacant yet so full. Quinn didn't bother with all her questions because we were in the presence of Santana, and I was sure 95% of her questions would be centred on Santana. My <em>before <em>problems had not been addressed ever since I left. My _before_ problems, were what I had tried to run away from. If I had stayed, I would've healed, but I didn't stay and a gaping hole in my chest was growing. I felt so empty inside, I was drowning in my thoughts, and the scenes kept replaying in my head nonstop. I would never be rid of memories for as long as I would live, and I'm so close to the edge that I must as well be hanging off it.

* * *

><p>My phone started ringing and vibrating just as I was about to step outside to pick Eric up from the airport. Eric was my ex-boss, and my best friend. <em>Or one of my best friends.<em>

"Hello?" I said as I answered the crying phone.

"Hey Britt! I've just landed." Eric said.

"Oh shoot! Sorry I wasn't there to offer you a big hug and a big kiss." I pouted my lips, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Go get me some of them nice doughnuts in one of them shops. I'm starving; I'm on my way E."

"Always you and your stomach!" He let out a half-hearted laugh across the phone. "Your doughnuts will be served and ready to eat when you get here Madame!"

"Good, E. Good. Now, please excuse me, I need to get in my car so I can collect my lovely doughnuts." I said as I made my way into my car. "See you in 10."

* * *

><p>"ERIC!" I screamed into the air as I pushed past the people in front of me and I spotted Eric. I stopped just I got in reaching distance and took the bag of doughnuts in his hands. "Cheers for the doughnuts, E!" I gestured towards the bag and turned around to leave. He put his hands on my hips and turned me around, big smiles plastered on our faces.<p>

"Not so fast missy!" He winked and tapped his finger on his cheek.

"Pffft E!" I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, instead of pecking his cheek. He laughed out loud. "Dammnit E, I missed you!" I attacked him with a big hug, wrapping my legs around his waist. He spun us around until everyone's attention was on us. I didn't mind. Why should I mind? We were _friends _embracing each other after so long, why should anyone be annoyed that two people are happy to see each other? He put me down, and I grabbed his hand and dragged him through the crowds of people. I led him to the car.

"Geez Britt. My granny can drive faster than you!" He playfully punched my arm.

"Watch it muscles!" I kept my focus on the road. "You see Eric, here in Lima there are these road signs, mad as it might seem, that have speed limits on them. And as a sexy person living here, I am obliged to follow them, so I don't _accidentally_ run over muscle men like you crossing the road." I smirked.

"But you see Goldie Locks; I'm in the car, so you don't have to worry about running over your favourite man."

"Oh, look we're here, saved by the bell!"

I climbed out of the car and made my way into the flat, leaving Eric behind to get all his things together.

"HEY GOLDIE LOCKS, MIGHT NEED SOME EXTRA MUSCLES 'ERE!" He shouted.

I gracefully spun myself around to face Eric; he smiled when he caught sight of my turning 'round. I rolled my eyes, and started to make my way... err- his way.

He stood just outside the door letting his eyes wander around my clean, but small flat.

"When you said you got a house B, I did not imagine a flat..." He scrunched his face up at me. "Was this one of your kinky plans to get me to sleep with you? Is there only 1 bed?" He laughed, and I laughed.

"No, silly. I _did_ get a house, I just haven't moved in yet. You," I pointed at him. "Are going to help me, get this," I pointed at the boxes on the floor. "Into my new house. Yeah! Talk about clever eh?" I let a small giggle escape my lips. He rolled his eyes.

"...If I sleep with you, can you move into the house yourself?" He winked and let out a hearty laugh.

"As If you can get this," I gestured at my body.

"When do I start?" He finally stepped inside the small room, and sat down on the couch.

"Ugh, I don't know, I can't be bothered, later or tomorrow. Get up though, let's get lunch or go shopping yes?"

"Lunch yes, shopping, no. Besides, I've been dying to meet your wonderful friends. Call the ones you had dinner with last night."

"And If I don't?"

"Then you don't get this," he gestured at the boxes. "Into your house." He smirked.

"Alright then, doll, you drive a hard bargain."

I dug into my pocket to find my phone. As soon as I found it, I dialled Quinn's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Q, sorry to disturb you, but would you like to have lunch with me and Eric? He said he wanted to meet you, and uh Santana." I said cautiously, hoping she'd say no.

"Sure, what time?" Not that I didn't want them to come, I just didn't want Santana to feel jealous, me and Eric are incredibly close, and I didn't know which way she would take it and of course Quinn would be stuck in the middle.

"Um now?"

"Sure B." I could hear her smile. "Where though?"

"Uh hang on. E... where do you want to eat?"

"Anywhere." He replied.

"Uh, breadstix. Oh and will you tell Santana too please? And, uh, you can tell her she can bring, uh" I paused wondering how to address Santana's girlfriend. "Her _friend. _And of course, you may bring someone too."

"Sure, Brittany." I could almost hear the sympathy in her voice, I could suddenly feel a lump in my throat. "One thing though, who's Eric?" I tried to cough away the lump, but it wasn't budging any time soon.

"Tell you later." I could hardly form any words as I hung up on Quinn.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry this took me ages to have up. I will no longer try to have daily updates, I will write the chapters when I can, and when I feel like it. School is getting more serious now and I'm trying hard this year. I'm sorry, but on the bright side I will never abandon this story. I will update faster though, If I get satisfying amounts of reviews. Okay, until the next time. (For updates: <strong>kusterbeckk. tumblr .com)<strong>**


	7. Chapter 7

**Brittany's point of view.**

At first glimpse, I thought she was beautiful, at second glimpse I thought she was stunning. I wasn't sure if I meant Santana, or her friend. I couldn't bring myself to address her as Santana's. I don't think I ever will be. It felt wrong because I was hers, and she was mine. That's how the world worked in my mind. Everyone looked beautiful; it was almost like this was a disguise for blind dates. Everyone was obviously trying for someone, Quinn for Rachel, Rachel for Quinn, Santana's friend for Santana, Santana for her friend, Eric for the ladies, and I, well I dressed up for myself.

We quickly got settled in on a table, I sat by Eric and Quinn, beside Quinn was Rachel, and in front of us, sat Santana and her dear friend.

"This is Eric, Eric wanted to meet all of you. Eric is um; my ex-boss, but we're good friends now." I said awkwardly as I felt Santana's stare sink into my face. I turned to look at Eric beside me. "This is Quinn and Rachel," I said gesturing to the two girls beside me, they exchanged smiles. "And this is Santana and uh," I paused I didn't know who she was.

"I'm Ellie." She said.

"Ellie." The name left a bitter taste in my mouth.

* * *

><p>I saw the way they whispered to each other, I saw the way she would laugh at a private joke, I saw the two of them when it should have been I and her. I saw the way her eyes would glint with jealousy every time I flirted with Eric beside me. We were in a war with each other on different sides of the table. It was so obvious, and I was sure Rachel and Quinn could see bombs flying from each sides of the table.<p>

"This is hell," I whispered to Eric beside me trying to be as flirtatious as I could. I pulled back and we both laughed.

"Excuse me, I need the toilet." Santana exclaimed. I wanted to stand up and follow her to the bathroom, but I couldn't because if I had said that I needed the toilet too then everyone would jump conclusions.

But as if on cue my phone started ringing and vibrating in my pocket, it gave me the perfect chance to be excused. I stood up and said "Excuse me, I need to take this."

I walked the other way that Santana did, but when I knew they couldn't see me anymore, I went to the bathroom. I didn't know what I would say, or what I would do, but I knew this was wrong and something had to be done because we were destroying each other.

I walked in and there I saw the blundering mess that Santana was. My heart sank and my guts deteriorated inside of me. She was on the floor, head tucked between her knees.

Instead of running over to her, to comfort her, I stood still on the spot, wondering what I should do.

"Hey." I said.

At first, I thought she wasn't going to say anything or do anything. But eventually she got up and went to stand in front of the mirror to straighten herself out and re-do her makeup.

"Are you alright?" I said dumbfounded.

"What would you care?" I flinched at the harsh tone of her voice. I looked down at my feet underneath me. "This isn't right." She hissed. "This is messed up! Seeing you, you there, all over Aaron or what's his face! And me, me with Ellie, this is... this is just, just. " I looked up to meet her burning eyes.

"What do you want me to do? I can't just sit back and watch the fucking show." I hissed back. "Do you want me to just sit back and watch because I might as well have never come back." Funny how things can sound okay in your head.

Her posture softened, and her facial expressions softened. She turned back to face the mirror and continued fixing her makeup. So I stood there, waiting. Waiting for nothing and everything.

I turned around to leave, but just as I was about to push the door open, I paused.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

And then I walked out and made my way back to the table, all the while realising that I had not even bothered to answer the call.

"Are you alright Brittany?" Eric asked. "Britt baby?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, it was just my estate agent, no biggie." I smiled.

It had been at least 5 minutes ago when I last saw Santana, Santana hadn't come back yet and I was beginning to worry.

Ellie's phone started buzzing on the table, my head instantly turned to the device I stared at it intently, wondering when Ellie was going to answer. When she finally did, I watched her face, the way her face slowly creased when she read the message (She hadn't picked it up, so common sense says it's a text).

"Sorry guys, Santana's gone home, she says she doesn't feel too good." Ellie said standing up. "Better make sure she's alright." She reached into her handbag and pulled out a purse, she took some money out and placed it on the table. "Here's mine and Santana's share. Thanks guys, I had fun tonight." She smiled, her whole face brightening. She was beautiful.

* * *

><p>There was nothing and there was everything. Silence. There was ringing in my ears – the voices of tomorrow, the voices of the future echoing in my head. Each tick and each tock of the clock, made itself known more and more as each second ticked by. The shallow breath I breathed and the slight rubbing of skin as I lifted my hands to capture the falling tears on my cheek were the only known sounds fighting my silence. I stayed still as best I could until I could no longer hold. And then it was fast. The moaning wail that scratched itself from my throat pinched my ears, water beneath my body slished and sloshed, and then I was in my room, alone with silence again. My eyes focused on the phone on my lap, I didn't know what was happening, and I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe I was going insane.<p>

Was I to do the right thing, or the wrong thing? Which one is right, and which one is wrong? Why must I have to make all the decisions? I could feel the trail that my wail took, the tough and rough feeling inside my throat burned. Slowly, my hands moved towards the phone, slightly shaking I typed out a pattern of numbers that Santana may or may not be interested in, following that I typed up a word that came straight from my heart, sorry. I sent the message wondering if it was the right thing to do. And then I stood up, with my mind made that it was a mistake that I had come back. What was I going to do with the house I bought? Am I just going without a word or should I say goodbye? Did my friends really need me to say goodbye? I'm Brittany, I come and I leave because I don't have a place. I picked up the bag on the floor and I walked out. Out of the bedroom door, out of the front door and out of everyone's life. I'm sorry, I thought. I'm going, I'm going for good, I told myself.

**Sorry you guys, I've just been so tired! And I've also had tons of homework to do along with hockey matches and 100 essays. Gahh, I'm sorry, I appreciate your feedback.**


	8. Chapter 8

I found myself wondering the place, circling it like I was hunting my prey. I couldn't leave could I? I had come so far and everything I wanted was in reaching distance. I just needed to yank it, her, harder. I could do this, I told myself, but as soon as the thought crept into my mind, the more dominant words of "No, I can't" overtook my braveness and turned it into fear.

I was walking on the pavement in the dark with a company of no-one and nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, with my head down concentrating on the clickity-clock my shoes made, when I suddenly stumbled upon someone who, too, had their head down.

Of course, I looked up briefly and said I was sorry. I caught her eye and she caught mine. We both stopped and looked up slowly. What luck. Of all the people I could have bumped into, Barack Obama, Taylor Lautner, but no, no, no, of course it had to be Santana Lopez.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey..." She looked at me with such sad eyes that I had to wrap her in my arms. It was new... different... the same. At first, she just kind of stood there awkwardly, but eventually, just as I was letting go, she pulled me back into a hug. She started to cry on my shoulders and I felt like I was her rock. I wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay, I wanted to tell her that I was sorry that I let her go, but my mouth was dry and achy. I couldn't move - I didn't want to move, the moment was perfect because she was perfect.

My sadness was bliss, my love was bliss, and she was bliss.

I rested my head on her shoulder as I said "I'm leaving San." Her body stiffened at that. I let it travel to her ears and to her brain. She started to pull back, I was guessing to look me in the eyes, but I didn't let her, I wasn't going to let her change my mind.

"Let me go please Britt." Her voice was weak and cracking, how could I not obey.

She pulled back and tears were barely staying in her lids. "You can't go." She told me. "You can't go," she repeated louder. "Don't leave m-" Tears started to scrape down her eyes.

"Let me finish." I told her calmly. "I love you to the moon and back, I always have and I always will. I'm not going to let you hurt anymore. You're happy with, with-" I didn't forget her name this time, I just couldn't utter the words. "Ellie, and for that she deserves you more than I deserve you. Call the number I texted you, please. I won't ever try to come into contact with you anymore, I'm sorry." I heard my heart break, I heard her heart break and everything was so ugly and wrong in the world.

Her hands were shaking at her sides; I took them into mine and squeezed them gently. I pulled her in to kiss her one last time, but I remembered Ellie, and although I had been lost in the moment, I was not that last that I hadn't heard Ellie pull over beside us, so instead I took her cold shaking hands towards my mouth and kissed it. I let it go and fall back at her sides. By this time, Santana was crying, she was crying hard. Ellie got out of her car and walked towards us.

I looked at her, and I tried to smile my best smile ignoring the thumps of my heart. "Look after her." I said. I looked back at Santana to see her so broken and torn, "Goodbye San." I reached my right hand to touch her cheek and wipe away her tears.

I walked away with my fists clenched at my side. Tears had then started to fall down my own cheeks, I heard Ellie move and, I'm assuming she faced Santana. "Where've you been? It's okay, it's going to be okay, you have me." I heard her say, but it wasn't going to be okay, not for me and not for her. I took my few slow steps towards nowhere, and towards tomorrow.

**I'm so sorry this took forever to come through, I have just been super busy and for a while, I kind of lost 'passion' for this story, but fear not, the story will be completed! :-) I would say there is one more chapter left, or two (to tie up loose ends) if you're lucky or if I'm feeling generous. Until the next time, I will try not to take forever next time, thanks for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

I wasn't sure if I was making things harder, or more awkward. I couldn't figure out whether running off into nowhere or walking slowly, still holding onto what I could never have was the right thing to do, and as thoughts filled my mind, my slow paces became much slower and smaller.

"Wait," I heard a small voice utter, a voice that sounded so distant that I let it fade into the cold darkness. "Wait!" There it was again, but less distant and much louder. I stopped, could the voice had been for me? I froze into my spot, fists still firmly clenched at my sides – partly because of the cold and partly to keep myself from running back.

Silence. I couldn't hear anything but the silent whisper of breeze, hearts beating so fast and loud, and tears falling on the ground. I slowly turned around to face everything, all that time I had been walking and we were only about 4 paces away from each other. I saw Ellie beside Santana, but her body was turned to face Santana completely, all focus was now on Santana. Ellie was frozen, and from what I could see, she was also crying. What was this? The crying club?

Santana's face was soaked with tears, yet she still managed to look so perfect. I saw her lips move but I couldn't hear anything. Had she been whispering? Fear then took over her features, I watched as tear after tear fell from her eyes, and from the corner of my eyes I saw Ellie flinch, as if someone had nearly hit her. But it was worse, I turned away to completely look at her, and she had completely broken down into tears and ugly wailing. I looked back at Santana, hoping she would repeat the words she had said to make Ellie such a blundering mess.

"I said, t-take me with you." Santana finally said with such fear and sadness. My heart thumped, once, twice, thrice, one hundred times in a minute. "You said - you told me you'd fight for me, well, fight for me harder because I'm slipping away Britt. I... I need you."

I was stunned; I had not expected Santana to say anything and especially not this. I felt so bad, I felt terrible, and I'm pretty sure Santana did too. I stood still, staring at Santana, waiting for Ellie to say something.

She took shaky steps toward me, I nearly ran away. Ellie took my hand, and she looked me in the eye, "Good luck, and look after her." She told me, just as I had told her. My heart broke to see Ellie's heart break because of the love I and Santana had always had.

"Will you be okay?" I asked feebly, I could hardly form words. I squeezed her hands for assurance.

She looked at me in the eyes briefly, she tried to tug the corners of her mouth into a smile, but she couldn't. She let my hands go and turned around to face Santana.

"Goodbye," She squeaked out.

She walked off slowly, silently sobbing. And then she took off into her car.

It was just me and her then, just like it always had been and just how it should be. I offered her my hand to take, it was hesitant but she took a few steps toward me and took it.

"Come on then, you. Here we come England. By the way, you're still calling that number; it's your parents'." I said assuringly.

"I love you, I'm sorr-" She started to say, but I spun her around and kissed her lips.

"Shhh," I said, "we have forever for that, and I love you too."

We walked off into nowhere, much happier to know that we finally found each other again.

**Many thanks for everyone who read this and stuck with it. Sorry about the long hiatus but it's finally finished now, crappy ending or? Thoughts would be appreciated.**


End file.
